After the wedding party, the bride and groom dance, the bride dance, and the bride throws the bouquet, the journey begins in two, called marriage. An adventure for good and evil, consists of several stages, says the American author Susan Shapiro Barash, in her book “The nine phases of marriage: how to succeed, how to end it, and how to keep it”.
The author of the book interviewed more than 200 women between the ages of 21 and 85, and based on their answers, she built her marriage phase guide.
According to the study, quoted by dailymail.co.uk, six out of ten women would say “no” if they had to make the decision to marry the same man again. the soul and “I’d better never get married!”
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The author tries to find the answers in her book and explains that there are several steps on the road to “and they lived happily ever after.”
Stage 1 – The bride is in love and full of hope
It is the most idealized phase of a relationship and the most coveted. It is the time when those who enjoy the three ingredients of a happy marriage: passion, intimacy, and commitment.
The protagonists may have already gone through a few storms, but they have faced them together. At this point, he believes her to be the most beautiful woman in the universe, and she considers him her cornerstone, both of whom are convinced that the marriage will never end.
“Wives in this phase are struggling to keep the passion alive in the couple. Many say they are determined to have a happy marriage just because their parents divorced, “says the book’s author.
Tip: Passion and intimacy in the couple are easy to maintain at this stage. However, partners need to develop a close friendship to support their future marriage
Stage 2 – The perfect wife
Before the wedding, there was an agreement that the two would share their household chores equally. However, after two or three years of marriage, the bride in love also wakes up with the role of housekeeper, courier, or plumber.
According to the author, men tend to put their wives in such a situation more or less consciously, considering that they have done their duty by the simple fact that they have taken the chosen one as their wife.
For this reason, many wives end up physically and mentally exhausted by the multitude of household chores they perform on their own, even though they have the same work schedule as loving spouses.
Tip: When bad habits come to the fore, your partner, especially your partner, maybe shocked. But the two must always remember that no marriage is perfect.
Stage 3 – The appearance of the child
With the appearance of the first child, women’s attitudes tend to change considerably. Many lose interest in their partner, especially the sexual one, which can be frustrating for an ordinary male partner to receive her full attention. Others start giving directions to the husband all the time, what to do and what not to do about the child.
Tip: Experts say that a woman should not forget about herself and dedicate herself completely to her motherly profession.
*It is important that she takes care not only of the little one but also of the relationship.*
Stage 4 – a bedroom, two dreams
It is a stage that appears after 9-10 years of marriage when the spouses feel that every break (a business trip, a visit to parents without a partner) is a welcome breath. According to Susan Shapiro Barash, even when partners do not want separation, they gather resentment. The most common are money and raising children.
Tip: Lower the bar. Disappointment is less if the two adapt to the inevitable changes in marriage and learn to adjust their expectations, according to the book’s author
Stage 5- distance
After about 15 years of marriage, when the children grew up and became independent, the wives who stayed at home to raise them are thinking of re-employment. However, a new job is an adventure for such a woman.
About 60% of women admitted that they had or at least imagined an affair during marriage, according to a survey quoted in the book. Women say that an affair is a way for them to reconsider their role as wives. The lover satisfies those desires that the husband no longer fulfills and is almost always the exact opposite of the husband.
Stage 6 – Divorce at the age of II
For women who have been married for 20 years and started an affair in the 5th stage, this period may be the end of the marriage. They have started to win well again, and the children are no longer dependent on them, so they may feel much more confident in their own strength and thus have more power to divorce.
“Women wonder if they’re single again, they’re fascinated by the lives of their girlfriends who haven’t had sex with a man. They even feel entitled to file for divorce, “said Susan Shapiro Barash.
Stage 7 – Renegotiation
After 15-30 years of marriage, the spouses could re-evaluate their own life, and depending on the outcome, they will decide whether or not they want to stay in the marriage.
“You can’t live with him, without him, or at least that’s how a wife at this stage feels. The comfort zone in which she is and her status as a wife could weigh in favor of keeping the marriage “, the specialist explained.
After 30-40 years of marriage, there is no room for manipulation or power games in the couple. The two know their “good” and “bad” very well and have learned to accept them or compromise. Grandchildren can also contribute to this balance.
Stage 9 – A different kind of love
As husbands approach the wedding of gold or silver, wives, once impulsive, have learned to be patient and, above all, forgiving.
Tensions over money can still arise. Women tend to give their savings to their children, while their partners may feel frustrated because they want to enjoy the savings made in their youth.
